Learning To Breathe

I'm sitting here watching A Walk to Remember which by the way is one of my favorite movies and a great book. The movie came out in 2002 when I was still in high school. Crazy how all that seems so far away now. It makes me think about the past almost 7 years since I graduated.

That's a really long time if you think about it and what exactly have a accomplished since then. I started college and dropped out a couple years later. I've done a bunch of random jobs which I really liked doing because each one was like a new adventure and I met some of the most amazing people. Some people were just nice people that I may have one worked with once and moved on. Others will be in my heart forever. I got to work with music which was always my ultimate goal. I've got to work with some amazingly talented friends. I got to work for a label. Yup, that was actually a goal of mine to work for a record label and I guess I can check that one off my list right.

Not sure where this is going anymore but as I was writing this I googled quotes from A Walk to Remember and ended up finding an amazing poem by poet Sandra Sturtz. It is below:

“May you find serenity and tranquility
in a world you may not always understand.

May the pain you have known
and the conflict you have experienced
give you the strength to walk through life
facing each new situation with courage and optimism.

Always know that there are those
whose love and understanding will always be there,
even when you feel most alone.

May a kind word,
a reassuring touch,
and a warm smile
be yours every day of your life,
and may you give these gifts
as well as receive them.

May the teachings of those you admire
become part of you,
so that you may call upon them.

Remember, those whose lives you have touched
and who have touched yours
are always a part of you,
even if the encounters were less than you would have wished.
It is the content of the encounter
that is more important than its form.

May you not become too concerned with material matters,
but instead place immeasurable value
on the goodness in your heart.
Find time in each day to see beauty and love
in the world around you.

Realize that what you feel you lack in one regard
you may be more than compensated for in another.
What you feel you lack in the present
may become one of your strengths in the future.
May you see your future as one filled with promise and possibility.
Learn to view everything as a worthwhile experience.

May you find enough inner strength
to determine your own worth by yourself,
and not be dependent
on another's judgment of your accomplishments.

May you always feel loved.”


Aww the end of A Walk to Remember always and I mean always makes me cry.

Amazing!

xo



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Now playing: Switchfoot - Learning to Breathe
via FoxyTunes

Maybe It's Just Me

It's so funny how I always think a lot when I'm in the shower. I've had way too much time to think about things lately and have come to the conclusion that I am a good person. I'm a good person who does bad things sometimes and I know everyone is human. We all make mistakes but I seem to make the stupidest mistakes that effect the most important people in my life.

There's probably a handful or so of people that are the most important in my life. These people I want as happy and healthy as they can be. I try my best to do what I can as a friend to help them succeed and fulfill their dreams. These people I feel like I sometimes hold very tightly and I have begun to believe that may be one of the reasons that these people that I never want hurt are the people I hurt the most.

I've also come to the conclusion that all I can do is my best. Sometimes my best isn't enough for some people. I have to take in to account other people views and opinions and live my life hurting the least amount of people as I can. All I can hope at this point is that the people that I have wronged can find it in their hearts to forgive me for the trespasses I've made again them. Hopefully I haven't damaged too much or destroyed the trust and love in our friendship.

I love all my friends very much.

xo




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Now playing: Butch Walker - Maybe It's Just Me
via FoxyTunes

I'm an Asshole.

I wish I could figure out what it is thats flawed in my personality or psyche that makes me do the fucked up things I do. What is wrong with me? There has to be a way to figure it out so I can KILL that part of me. I know it sounds terrible but sometimes I hate myself so much for the things I do. You know how Midas how the golden touch well I have a touch that seems to destroy friendships. I am the curse on my friendships.

SO many things in my life are going to shit and stressing me out lately and of course I managed to fuck up one of the only good things I had left. I guess I thought the depression and self destruction was subsiding but maybe I was wrong.

Maybe I'm over reacting but I honestly don't feel like I am. If the person that I wronged this weekend doesn't speak to me for a while it will absolutely tear me apart but I deserve it. Sad but true. All I can think right now is what the fuck is wrong with me? I can't believe myself.

Valentines Day!

So it's that day again. The day that people around the world celebrate Valentines Day as if it were a real holiday. I know people will generally just think that I'm bitter because I'm single but that's not the case at all. Think about it... Christmas is a holiday that you celebrate the birth of Jesus and although Jesus and I aren't really down with each other it still has a legit backing to it.

Goodbye Friendship, Hello Heartache

I think its kind of funny how some people insist that they don't like their life put on blast but they consistently put it on blast themselves then try and deflect off themselves by accusing everyone else of talking shit about them. Now wouldn't you think that if they really wanted their personal lives personal then they wouldn't be using online social networking sites to reveal details of their lives that people would otherwise have no idea about.

You have to wonder how empty these people are to feel like they need their lifestyle and behavior validated by strangers on the internet. Does it really make you feel like a better person to have a random stranger tell you you are? Does it make you feel like better to treat the ones that love you with anger and spite?

Its really sad when you realize you're losing faith in someone that you love.

I know everyone is human and have flaws but some things are hard to forgive.

Fighting

I was thinking about fighting today. When I say fighting I mean fighting for things not necessary violent fighting. As long as I can remember I have fought for my family and friends. I've fought for music because music has saved my life more times that I can count. I've fought for the things I believe to be right and for the people that I love but now at almost 25 I have finally come to the realization that I have rarely fought for me.

I've never really fought to do the things I truly want to do.

So now that its 2009 and I can leave 2008's experiences behind me I'm going to do my best to fight for me this year.

Things have to change this year. I'm too bored with myself and life not to.

More coming soon.

Love you.

Lonely

So I was online as usual at work today and reading all the articles on CNN.com like I try to everyday and happened upon an article about being lonely. This article talks about the research done into loneliness.

Check it out!

Feeling lonely? Genes might be at fault


xoxo
Natalie

Work

Ahhh work. Work makes me want to play in traffis lately. My anxiety
level is maxing out. Today I literally wanted to grab my boss and shake
her. She has to make everything way more difficult than it has to be
just because she's in a bad mood. Dear lord give me the strength not to
loss my mind or murder my boss.

I want to see my happy people.

Ill write again later.
Natalie Garcia
Email- nat@npmusic.com
Other Email-dollhouseriotproductions@gmail.com
Cell- 909 463 8673
Aim- NPNatalie

Best Friends

Tonight I was thinking about Best Friends. 

Wikipedia definition: Best Friend, someone (singular or plural) with whom one shares the strongest possible kind of friendship.

Aw, Best Friends. I have had a few in my 24 years. As I was sitting here thinking about it realized the greatest friendships with guys. My whole life I've been the girl who was one of the guys. I'm not at all complaining because I like it that way. If I didn't I would change it. I've found that for some reason in my life guys have always made better friends. Most of the girls that I ever called my best friend ended up backstabbing me somehow. Sad but true. I don't know what it is about me that some of my friends have been so quick to back stab me. I think I'm generally a good person with a big heart for others. Yes, I'm a bitch and opinionated like no other but I've never done anything horrible to anyone as far as I know. I've loved, sacrificed and taken so much shit for my friends especially the ones the world like to call best. 

There's this thing about me that one of my current "best friends" thinks is stupid. When we started hanging out and becoming a tad closer as friends I told him to never call me his best friend even if he felt that way. After a short lifetime of losing best friends and feeling the worst pain ever doing so I decided I didn't want to use that phrase anymore. I felt like it was almost a small curse on the friendship itself. I know that sounds stupid but I guess it was my way of protecting the friendship and my fear of losing another special person. I've been using the phrase again though. Part of me thinks he's the one to break the curse. Oh well we shall see. 

I'm not sure where this blog is going but I can't help but think of one of my current best friends and his his relationship with his other best friends. B & D's friendship is one I greatly admire. Sounds funny to admire it I guess but they've been best friends for 14 years. That's a long time. I was friends with one of my best friends for 10 years and after that we proceeded to dislike each other and go our separate ways. I've spent an increasing amount of time with B & D this past year and I love them both to death because they're both really good people. They make me laugh like no other which is one of the things that always grabs me about people. I watch the way they function with each other and although they spend a lot of time fighting with each other I can see how much they mean to each other. It totally makes me happy to know that no matter what happens with these two  guys they will always have each other. Guys are guys and most of the time they don't share feelings especially for each other but these two know each other better than anyone in this whole world will ever know them. It makes me super happy that I've got a chance to know these two guys.

Although I now consider one of them a very close friend even a best friend (Q the scary word) I still have three other best friends. D who can be such a jerk sometimes but love so much. He just has trouble in general showing emotion to anyone but then again he is a dude(haha). He has a great heart and cares about people. He just tends to treat strangers better than the people he loves. I've come to the conclusion that that's just who he is. He's a good person no matter what people think. I love spending time with him. He's honest and fun to be around.

Then there's J who knows me better than any other person on the planet. He knows my secrets and insecurities like no one else does or probably ever will. He's the friend that I will love for the rest of my life but know won't be a part of my life most of the time. He uses this metaphor about a train station, how our individual lives are like a train station and the people that come in and out of our lives are like trains. The more than I think about that I know he will be a train that comes in and out of my life for the rest of my life. At first I hated the idea of this. It made me sad not to have him in my life. I mean it still does make me a little sad but knowing that somewhere out there in this vast world there's someone that loves and cares about me is pretty amazing. 

I don't know what to say anymore but I do LOVE all my friends. I know a lot of amazing people. I feel very blessed to have the greatest people in my life. 

I found some quote online that I like about Friends.

A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.  ~Lois Wyse

A friend can tell you things you don't want to tell yourself.  ~Frances Ward Weller


A friend accepts us as we are yet helps us to be what we should.  ~Author Unknown


Friends are relatives you make for yourself.  ~Eustache Deschamps

Weak

What happens when all your strength starts breaking down?