Brandon Ball!

So I had this idea about making a video instead of getting him a giant card but since I suck at follow through it was turned over to Mari. Here is Mari's masterpiece. Another video coming soon that Jamie and I made. hehe. Enjoy!!!

Learning To Breathe

I'm sitting here watching A Walk to Remember which by the way is one of my favorite movies and a great book. The movie came out in 2002 when I was still in high school. Crazy how all that seems so far away now. It makes me think about the past almost 7 years since I graduated.

That's a really long time if you think about it and what exactly have a accomplished since then. I started college and dropped out a couple years later. I've done a bunch of random jobs which I really liked doing because each one was like a new adventure and I met some of the most amazing people. Some people were just nice people that I may have one worked with once and moved on. Others will be in my heart forever. I got to work with music which was always my ultimate goal. I've got to work with some amazingly talented friends. I got to work for a label. Yup, that was actually a goal of mine to work for a record label and I guess I can check that one off my list right.

Not sure where this is going anymore but as I was writing this I googled quotes from A Walk to Remember and ended up finding an amazing poem by poet Sandra Sturtz. It is below:

“May you find serenity and tranquility
in a world you may not always understand.

May the pain you have known
and the conflict you have experienced
give you the strength to walk through life
facing each new situation with courage and optimism.

Always know that there are those
whose love and understanding will always be there,
even when you feel most alone.

May a kind word,
a reassuring touch,
and a warm smile
be yours every day of your life,
and may you give these gifts
as well as receive them.

May the teachings of those you admire
become part of you,
so that you may call upon them.

Remember, those whose lives you have touched
and who have touched yours
are always a part of you,
even if the encounters were less than you would have wished.
It is the content of the encounter
that is more important than its form.

May you not become too concerned with material matters,
but instead place immeasurable value
on the goodness in your heart.
Find time in each day to see beauty and love
in the world around you.

Realize that what you feel you lack in one regard
you may be more than compensated for in another.
What you feel you lack in the present
may become one of your strengths in the future.
May you see your future as one filled with promise and possibility.
Learn to view everything as a worthwhile experience.

May you find enough inner strength
to determine your own worth by yourself,
and not be dependent
on another's judgment of your accomplishments.

May you always feel loved.”


Aww the end of A Walk to Remember always and I mean always makes me cry.

Amazing!

xo



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Now playing: Switchfoot - Learning to Breathe
via FoxyTunes

Maybe It's Just Me

It's so funny how I always think a lot when I'm in the shower. I've had way too much time to think about things lately and have come to the conclusion that I am a good person. I'm a good person who does bad things sometimes and I know everyone is human. We all make mistakes but I seem to make the stupidest mistakes that effect the most important people in my life.

There's probably a handful or so of people that are the most important in my life. These people I want as happy and healthy as they can be. I try my best to do what I can as a friend to help them succeed and fulfill their dreams. These people I feel like I sometimes hold very tightly and I have begun to believe that may be one of the reasons that these people that I never want hurt are the people I hurt the most.

I've also come to the conclusion that all I can do is my best. Sometimes my best isn't enough for some people. I have to take in to account other people views and opinions and live my life hurting the least amount of people as I can. All I can hope at this point is that the people that I have wronged can find it in their hearts to forgive me for the trespasses I've made again them. Hopefully I haven't damaged too much or destroyed the trust and love in our friendship.

I love all my friends very much.

xo




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Now playing: Butch Walker - Maybe It's Just Me
via FoxyTunes

I'm an Asshole.

I wish I could figure out what it is thats flawed in my personality or psyche that makes me do the fucked up things I do. What is wrong with me? There has to be a way to figure it out so I can KILL that part of me. I know it sounds terrible but sometimes I hate myself so much for the things I do. You know how Midas how the golden touch well I have a touch that seems to destroy friendships. I am the curse on my friendships.

SO many things in my life are going to shit and stressing me out lately and of course I managed to fuck up one of the only good things I had left. I guess I thought the depression and self destruction was subsiding but maybe I was wrong.

Maybe I'm over reacting but I honestly don't feel like I am. If the person that I wronged this weekend doesn't speak to me for a while it will absolutely tear me apart but I deserve it. Sad but true. All I can think right now is what the fuck is wrong with me? I can't believe myself.

Valentines Day!

So it's that day again. The day that people around the world celebrate Valentines Day as if it were a real holiday. I know people will generally just think that I'm bitter because I'm single but that's not the case at all. Think about it... Christmas is a holiday that you celebrate the birth of Jesus and although Jesus and I aren't really down with each other it still has a legit backing to it.

Goodbye Friendship, Hello Heartache

I think its kind of funny how some people insist that they don't like their life put on blast but they consistently put it on blast themselves then try and deflect off themselves by accusing everyone else of talking shit about them. Now wouldn't you think that if they really wanted their personal lives personal then they wouldn't be using online social networking sites to reveal details of their lives that people would otherwise have no idea about.

You have to wonder how empty these people are to feel like they need their lifestyle and behavior validated by strangers on the internet. Does it really make you feel like a better person to have a random stranger tell you you are? Does it make you feel like better to treat the ones that love you with anger and spite?

Its really sad when you realize you're losing faith in someone that you love.

I know everyone is human and have flaws but some things are hard to forgive.